Cliché Central

After working at the Crestview pool for two summers now, I believe that if we do a few simple things, we could easily quadruple our revenue and turn Crestview into the new hip hot spot in town. Since the newspaper and Goody Clancy can churn out their downtown improvement plan, I figured I might as well disperse my country club improvement plan!

STEP 1: IMPROVE THE POOL ATMOSPHERE

- The first step to lasting improvement is to make our pool more fun and distinguish it from other pools in the area. We can do this by introducing a minimum of 2 water slides. Now, one may ask: where do we have room to do this? I propose taking down the east fence and annexing half of the golf parking lot to do so? Since when does golf need more than 20 spaces anyway? What, you say we host the PGA Nationwide Tour later this summer? Well tough luck because the pool is much more important than “the biggest little tournament that no one really cares about.” The next step would be to introduce a lazy river around the pool through the endless myriad of chairs we have set up. If people are going to be lazy and sit in chairs all day, why not be lazy in the lazy river? Makes sense to me! If we do these two things we become more of a “water park” than a pool, increasing our membership and popularity and that paves the way for step 2.

STEP 2: UPGRADE THE CAFE

- The second step is to overhaul the poolside cafe majorly. It is way too conventional the way it is now, simply a snack bar. But there is definitely room for improvement. I propose taking out the baby pool, or at least moving it so we can take down that fence. Then we need to move the counter to the side and pave right through the building, tear down the walls, and turn our cafe into a full-scale drive through. I have never seen a drive thru cafe at a pool before, and how cool of an idea! We could make the Guiness Book of World Records, you know! The only problem I could foresee with this is that if we have a large backup of cars, the fumes from the cars could irritate swimmers and pollute the pool. My solution to this is to plant a large treeline between the cafe and the pool, that way the trees absorb all the CO2 and reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Wichita denizens will be so impressed that they will flock to it like chickens flock to bird seed. I propose we open the cafe to the general public, increasing our sales and with our ridiculously overpriced food, we can easily pay for these renovations. If it gets popular, there is definitely a possibility for expansion to other country clubs, WCC for example. We could set up Crestview Cafe franchises all over the city of Wichita and eventually become the next McDonald’s.

STEP 3 - TRANSFORM THE TENNIS SIDE

- The third and final step in this gameplan is to transform the tennis building into a nightclub after it closes normally. All the essentials are there already! There’s already a bar, an easily clearable dancefloor, an outside patio, tennis courts people can hang out on, I mean its the only logical solution I can see. If we could just get some blacklights in there it would be a hot destination, way cooler than Club Shadow or Grove, attracting bands to play there, and people can rent it out for private parties occasionally. When the tennis side just sits there at night, we are losing money because we could indeed be making money off it. This will draw people to Crestview at night, which could easily lead them to want to go to our water park, so I propose extended hours at the pool, eventually leading to a 24-hour pool and cafe.

…Maybe I’ve been spending too much time behind the counter, bored