Cliché Central

WICHITA, KAN—- Earlier this afternoon, a highly improbable accident occurred off Highway 45 and 2nd Street, in which the driver of a Cocoa Puffs delivery truck hydroplaned off the road, crashing into the Hiland Dairy factory on the corner. The driver, 54-year-old Glen Peppers, was unharmed, but the factory and his truck were badly damaged.

     “This puncture has pilfered our plentiful supply of milk,” Hiland plant manager David Matherson said. “Our cows will have to work double time to make up for this loss.”

     The purported cause of the crash was that of hydroplaning but new evidence in the case suggests otherwise.

     “The whole case took a big u-turn once we discovered a conspicuous banana peel,” police chief Frank John said. “We believe that, in the right circumstances, this banana peel has the potential to cause a sizeable truck to spin completely out of control.”

     Fellow drivers at the scene of the crime are being interrogated as to what exactly they saw.

     “All I can remember was seeing this yellow Jeep in the right lane,” driver Suzi Crabapple said. “I may be mistaken because of the tinted windows, but by george I believe the driver of that Jeep was an ape!”

     Crabapple says she recalls witnessing the alleged ape snacking on a banana bunch before speeding off. The true cause of the slippage will continue to be investigated by police officers until Tuesday.

     Peppers managed to make a hasty leap from his truck just before it crashed into the milk factory by utilizing the safety eject ramp.

     “As soon as I realized I was slipping out of control, I quickly pulled the ripcord underneath my seat, inflating a large slide outside of my door,” Peppers said. “I quickly jumped out the window saying ‘Geronimo!’ and landed safely in a playground.”

     The Cocoa Puff truck, upon impact with the milk, spilled its contents all over the pavement and the street, causing major traffic backup and closings on 2nd Street.

     “There was cereal everywhere,” citizen John Grisham said. “You couldn’t even take a step without crunching another Cocoa Puff. It made me go cuckoo. It was udder chaos out there.”

     Schools were closed, concerts postponed, bingo nights cancelled, as the streets turned brown in a sea of cereal puffs.

     “The Cocoa Puffs turned the milk brown,” citizen Wayne Dadooda said. “Then it was chocolate milk, because it was brown.”

     Yes indeed, the streets were swamped until one chosen sheepherder happened to lead his flock down 2nd this evening. Upon sniffing the breakfast, his sheep started to munch on the sugary pieces.

     “I just do what I gotta do,” sheepherder Karl Fredo said.

     By dawn, the streets were clean and many citizens pondered if the events of the previous day were but a dream. Alas, for they do not know of the deeds of Fredo. And so the legend goes in the little town of Wichita. Was Fredo a man, a myth, or a legend? Only one person can know for sure and that is Fredo himself.

     “Watch out for banana peels,” Fredo said. “You never know how slippery they’re gonna be. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta split like a banana.”