My Beef With Fancy Ketchup
You know one thing that really gets under my skin, so to speak? Our tendency to refer to ketchup contained in packets as “fancy ketchup.” Just what makes this little packet of ketchup so “fancy,” as they say? Notice there is never such thing as “fancy mustard” or certainly not “fancy honey mustard!” I think that society is being slightly prejudiced toward ketchup and completely ignoring the other essential condiments. In the little drawer containing all the sauce packets, I’m sure all the ketchups are over in a little corner all by themselves, because they think they are so much better than the other packets in there. In response, all the other packets just let the fancy ketchups have their space - no need to start any drama. And that’s not even mentioning the regular ketchup that you pump out of the handle next to the soda fountain. What about that ketchup, huh? It has to go through its whole brief life thinking, “Yeah, I’m not good enough to be called ‘fancy.’ Please just eat me faster - put me out of my misery!” I think this sort of (dare I say) racism needs to be halted. If we as a society continue to idly ignore this issue, who knows what could happen in our sauce packet drawers? There could be “saucicides” before we know it! According to the label slapped on all of these “fancy ketchups,” this travesty has been occurring since 1986, under our noses (and in our mouths). The only legitimate solution is to petition Heinz Corporation and ask them to pull the “fancy ketchups” off the shelves of our local McDonald’s. While we are at it, the supposedly-fancy “Grey Poupon” mustards sometimes like to cause trouble on my spice racks. Do it quickly, friends. End the tyranny.
